A How to Guide to Annoy the Harry Potter Cast
by Lyrical Waves
Summary: Several foolproof lists. Many hilarious pranks. Designed for the characters of Harry Potter including, but not limited to, Hermione, Harry, Draco and Snape.
1. Victim 1: Hermione Granger

**30 Ways to Annoy Hermione Granger**

**Made for pure, fictional enjoyment.  
Disclaimer: I own nothing except my happiness.**

1. Imitate her know-it-all façade.

2. Ask her if she wears a padded bra.

3. If so, what color is it?

4. Tell her that Harry is in love with her.

5. Ask her when Ron and her are getting married.

6. Tell her Ron is off snogging with Lavender Brown or Luna Lovegood.

7. Ask her if she purposely styles her hair to be a giant frizz ball.

8. Ask her if she and Viktor Krum ever had something together.

9. Ask her if Ron's wand is actually fourteen inches in length.

10. Trip her.

11. 'Accidentally' drop her favorite book into the fire.

12. Make your house elf dance around her singing 'I'm under control! I'm under control!'

13. Purposely misplace her homework that's due in just a few hours.

14. After every sentence she utters, yell 'WRONG!'

15. Trick her to go to a broom closet and lock her in.

16. Tell Hermione that there's a huge book sale in Hogsmeade when it's really a hobo convention.

17. Purposely mispronounce her name.

18. Lock her in a closet, then tell Professor Filch that there's a broom closet that needs cleaning up.

19. Get a book and tear out pages right in front of her.

20. Ask her to do your homework for you.

21. If she doesn't, complain, saying that she does Ron's all the time.

22. Tell her that Ron has been tied up at the bottom of the Black Lake.

23. Tell her that Trelawney's methods of teaching really do work.

24. Bring her chocolates and flowers and tell them they came from Professor Snape.

25. Take Ron's rat and tell him Crookshanks did it.

26. Draw a mustache on her while she's asleep.

27. Ask her if a little more happened on the chessboard in the first year.

28. Take her diary, then copy pieces and post them over the Gryffindor common room.

29. Take all her clothes and lump them all in the middle of a public place.

30. Ask her if she snogged with Draco after she punched him to make him feel better.

**I hope you enjoyed my foolproof ways to annoy the crap out of Hermione Granger. I plan to post more for Snape, Draco, and Harry, although if you ask I will be more than happy to do other characters. **

**Please review and maybe give me suggestions. I encourage feedback. Constructive criticism accepted. And yes, I DO allow anonymous reviews.**


	2. Victim 2: Draco Malfoy

**30 Ways to Annoy Draco Malfoy**

**Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! It inspires me so. And here's our second victim, Draco Malfoy.**

**A/N: This list is for purposes of being entertained. However, if you do choose to stalk Malfoy and try it, we warn you that you may be intentionally harmed….**

1. Ask him if he's a natural blonde.

2. Say that if he dyed his hair black and wore glasses he could be Harry's twin.

3. Spread a rumor stating that he's gay. And whenever he asks, scream "Ohmygosh!" and then take a picture of him.

4. Run up behind him and smack his butt. When he turns to accuse you, accuse him of smacking yours.

5. Ask him if he'll pose for nude pictures for you.

6. Dye all his robes pink and put rhinestones on them.

7. Ask him what size bra he wears.

8. Write him a really mushy poem and sign it from Harry.

9. Dump three thousand bottles of perfume in his room so it smells all flowery.

10. Jinx his broomstick so he'll fall off.

11. Say to him that you have his name tattooed on your body.

12. If he asks to see it, say it's on your bum and that's a little personal.

13. Ask Draco if he'd wear tights for you.

14. If he says no, throw a tomato at him.

15. Grab his butt and then blame Filch.

16. Leave him out in the Forbidden Forest.

17. Make him a batch of heart-shaped-cookies with pink icing.

18. And fill them with laxatives.

19. Lock him in a room with Hermione Granger.

20. Tell him that you like Potter better.

21. Say that red and gold is the best.

22. Write a fake diary that you claim is his and put copies all over the school.

23. Ask him out on a date.

24. Replace all his clothes with frilly dresses.

25. Whenever he opens his mouth to speak, laugh maniacally.

26. Tell him that he'd look sexy in a yellow banana suit.

27. Tell his mother that he's been sneaking around with Hermione.

28. Put explosives in his morning pumpkin juice.

29. Attach Christmas lights to his desk that sing.

30. Jump on him and passionately kiss him and then say 'I always knew you loved me!'

**Yes, in fact, I enjoyed myself a lot while writing this. I thought it was funny. You? Opinion? Review!**


	3. Victim 3: Severus Snape

**25 Ways to Annoy Snape**

**So, a few said they were looking forward to see Snape's downfall, so here I made this. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: Unless you're morally opposed to senseless humor, continue reading and don't ask about the girl sitting in the chair, wasting the rest of her summer away.**

1. Throw a pie in his face.

2. Ask him why his hair is always so greasy.

3. Read his mind.

4. Follow Snape around and when he turns around, spray seltzer in his face.

5. Jump onto his back.

6. Tell him that Filch has a mad crush on him.

7. Trip him and tell him it was Peeves.

8. Tell him that Draco says Snape isn't his favorite teacher anymore.

9. Ask him if his cloak comes in men sizes too.

10. Replace all his potions with candy.

11. Tell him that Voldemort thinks he's a double crosser.

12. Sign him up to be a Girl Scout leader.

13. Take a video of him and post it to WizrdTube.

14. Put a disco ball in the dungeon, and once he starts class, make it start singing dancing queen.

15. Wear an 'I heart Dumbledore' t-shirt.

16. Ask him to strip for you.

17. After everything he says scream 'LIAR!'

18. Spit on him.

19. Replace all his cloaks with dresses.

20. Ask if you can have hot hate sex with him.

21. Grab a hose. Corner him. Spray him down. Run. **(thanks to CrazyOCDOHPDgirl)**

22. Tell him that the students could teach DADA better than he ever could.

23. Dye his robes pink.

24. Show him your Snape voodoo doll.

25. Put incense in his room and when he asks what it is, tell him it wards off the devil.

**Yes, in fact, I do have a lot of time on my hands. That's why I can make these brilliant, crazed lists for you. **

**Alright, I'm doing _Harry Potter_ himself next. If anyone has suggestions, please let me know, and I will include them :) Review!**


	4. Victim 4: Harry Potter

**45 Ways to Annoy Harry Potter**

**Alright, so this will be the last chapter for a while. I'll try and work on some other characters, but it probably won't be out for a while. I'm going to be working on some other stories, so look out for those. They come in many different categories, including Harry Potter. So, read on!**

**Disclaimer: I only own the pure enjoyment of writing this fic.**

1. Ask to see his scar every minute of the day.

2. Stalk him around to his every day classes and scream at him 'I'm your number one fan!'

3. Run around him screaming he's the devil.

4. Ask him why he hasn't killed Voldemort yet.

5. Take a cross and shove it in his face yelling 'The power of Christ compels you!'

6. Inform him that Hedwig is the name of a bug that you get in your hair.

7. Ask him where the Chamber Pot of Secrets is.

8. Poke him repeatedly.

9. Ask him when his and Hermione's make outs are scheduled.

10. Tell him that Voldemort is coming back.

11. Tell him school's canceled and he has to go back to live with the Dursley's.

12. Ask him if he dyes his hair.

13. Ask him if he put his name in the Goblet of Fire.

14. Ask him if he's raped Ginny.

15. Give him a furbie and continuously set it off on purpose.

16. Give him your underwear and ask him to sign it.

17. Carry around a giant plushy of him.

18. Tell him that Ginny is off snogging with someone.

19. Tell him you love him.

20. Drown him in the Black Lake.

21. Replace Hedwig with a doll.

22. 'Accidentally' do a spell wrong and give him a buzz cut.

23. When he's asleep, put whipped cream in his hand, then tickle his nose with a feather.

24. Steal his glasses and put whiteout on the lens.

25. Send him love notes signed from Voldemort.

26. Once you've seen his reaction, tell him you did it.

27. Once he's asleep, put makeup all over his face and take pictures.

28. Then stick copies up all over the school.

29. Steal his clothes and refuse to give them back until he comes outside and dances around.

30. Or tell him to dress up like a girl.

31. Ask him what 'to make love' means.

32. Stare at him.

33. Ask him 'guess what?' repeatedly until he answers 'what?' then say 'nothing.' Repeat process.

34. Follow him around and hum the Indiana Jones theme song incessantly.

35. When he turns around, look innocent.

36. Offer him prank candy from Fred and George that gives him chicken pox.

37. Sneeze on him.

38. Dump water on him when he's asleep.

39. Sing ABBA songs in front of him at the top of your lungs.

40. Serenade him with your favorite love song.

41. Whenever you address him, call him by 'Otter.'

42. Ask him if he and Voldemort are secret lovers.

43. Tell him that Ginny looks like his mother.

44. Ask him where babies come from.

45. Tell him that Draco's a better seeker than he is.

**Wow. Well that was fun. I hope you enjoyed it. If anyone has ideas, comments, suggestions, I'd love to hear them!**

**I'm working on another Harry Potter Story called ****_A Tale of the Marauders_**** (I may have just spelled that wrong) and I want to put up a prologue type chapter to see if anybody is interested.**

**Have a happy 4****th**** of July everyone!  
:)**

**Review?**


	5. Victim 5: Ronald Weasley

**30 Ways to Annoy Ronald Weasley**

**I started writing a new story, and when I came back to look at this, I realized I still hadn't done Ron. I was rather appalled and I apologize that I haven't had this up before. And now, without any further ado, how to annoy Ron Weasley.**

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything except my pure imagination.

1. Whenever talking to him, call him 'Ginger' instead of Ron.

2. When getting his attention, repeatedly say 'Weasel' instead of 'Weasely.'

3. Get him all riled up, until he's red in the face, then call him a tomato.

4. Proceed to take a picture and post pictures all over the castle with a punny caption.

5. Tell him that Hermione has left him for Draco.

6. Continuously ask him what it was like to barf up slugs.

7. Tell them that Ginny and Draco are hooking up.

8. Every time he and Hermione fight, tell them to get a room - _Reader472_

9. Every time he asks a question, respond with "Follow the spiders."

10. Tell him that you always liked Percy better.

11. Draw a lightning bolt on his forehead when he's sleeping.

12. Constantly say Harry is a better wizard.

13. Talk about how much time Krum and Hermione spent alone.

14. Beat him in a match of Wizards chess.

15. Trick him into eating Fred and George's experimental candies.

16. In divination, predict his foreboding death.

17. Send him a love letter that directs him to meet you in the dark forest.

18. Ask him why he doesn't have a house elf.

19. Teach him new spells that you made up.

20. If he ever pronounces something wrong, correct him.

21. If he's right, tell him he's wrong anyway.

22. Turn his hair purple.

23. Make him take care of you.

24. Set him up on a blind date Crabbe.

25. Remind him that he used to have a thing for his older brother's wife.

26. Teach all underclassmen to always call him "Won-won."

27. Send him a Valentine's message from Draco.

28. Start a club and tell him he's not welcomed.

29. Give him an afro.

30. Scream "Weasley is our King" at every possible moment.

**Thank you for reading ways to annoy Ronald Weasley! A few of them are a little dull, but I hope they're not too bad. I'm going to put another list up for Voldemort. If anyone wants to send in ideas, I'll give you full credit! Hope you enjoyed!(:**

**Review?**


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